


The Mare

by Fylgia



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-12 19:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5677711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fylgia/pseuds/Fylgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evelyn is haunted by a desire demon in a dream, after waking up in a state of panic, she wakes the Commander and asks for his help in determining if she has been possessed.</p><p>This contains non/dub-con and a demon posing as humans, it also includes dub-con of the demon/human variety. Also, some UST between humans and minor angst, because Cullen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Vaguely inspired by the prompt:  
> "Pretty much, I want unsuspecting F!Inquisitor to be raped by some sort of demon or creature that impregnates her with eggs. At first she is horrified but slowly starts to enjoy it and by the end cant think of anything but more. (PS, is that what a mind break is?)  
> Im really just looking for the whole impregnation sexy times bit, but if you want to continue on with her new pregnancy Im down!  
> +F!Lavellan or F!Treveylan (Lavellan is prefferred)  
> +++Bit of tentacle action? (Not necessary! But I'd like it)  
> ++++++Inqy at some point thinking something along the lines of how she needs to be a "god girl" and serve properly."

“I need to know if I’m possessed.”

Cullen had not expected anyone to wake him in the middle of a night, especially not the Inquisitor and most certainly not with those words. How she had managed to get into his office and climb the ladder to his quarters without making a sound was beyond him. 

“I… beg your pardon?” He suddenly wished he had chosen to wear more than smallclothes to bed. 

“I had a dream, never had one like it before.” She was kneeling next to his bed, eyes staring at her knees as she spoke. “You are trained to detect possession, right? That's not an ability dependent on lyrium, is it?”

“No, you're right.” He sighed, more confused than annoyed. “Wait for me in my office, I’ll be there in a moment.”

 

As he dressed, Cullen could not help but wonder if this was a more or less frightening situation than when they had spotted the Archdemon near haven. It was one thing to have them all perish, another entirely to think that he might be forced to strike down the Inquisitor. Perhaps it would be worth sending a message to Leliana or Cassandra, because he was not certain what he would do if Evelyn’s suspicions were correct. Surround her with templars until their battle was won? Amputate her arm and hope someone learned to handle the mark? Strike her down and let the world fall to Corypheus? Cullen shook his head as he fastened the last buckle, leaving his armour on the floor, perhaps against better judgement. She’d sought to speak with him in confidence, in the middle of the night, if he pushed her too far she might not reveal everything she knew.

He thought back to his templar training. Tried to separate Meredith’s methods from the ones he’d learned during his first years. It would not do to jump to conclusions in this situation, the last thing they needed was for him to cry wolf. The words of the chant seemed less hollow this night than they had for years. He felt his mind quiet, his heartbeat returned to its regular rhythm, and his breathing turned calm. With measured movements, he climbed down the ladder.

 

She stood in the middle of his office, arms wrapped around herself. She’d thrown a robe over her dressing gown and her bare feet told him that she had not hesitated before running across half the fortress. Her nightgown was a far more luxurious item than he’d ever seen her wear before, a small comfort to differentiate from fieldwork and home, he suspected. Silk flattered her, he noted and his concerned deepened. Evelyn was not a woman who cared much for fashion and there was one very concerning possibility. The nightgown must have been a gift from Vivienne or Josephine, it would not surprise him if she had never worn it. There was a distinct possibility that this was not the nightgown she had worn when she had gone to bed. If the demon she feared had possessed her was a desire demon, it might seek to tempt him too. 

“Are you comfortable discussing the matter in here?” He forced his voice to remain neutral. “My men would know not to disturb me unless there is an emergency that requires immediate attention.”

“I suppose here is as good a place as any. No spies?” She looked over her shoulder and her dark hair cascaded down her right arm.

“None.” He hoped his voice did not reveal that he had just realised this was the first time he had seen her hair unbraided. “Please, take a seat.”

She carefully sat down in a spartan wooden chair in a corner near the larger bookshelf. He turned his own chair towards her, taking the time to light the candelabra next to her chair before taking his seat.

“They will not wonder why you’re awake?”

“I often work odd hours. Not to mention that if anyone spotted you on your way here, they will make fewer assumptions if we do not try to hide your presence. If need be, we can always come up with an excuse.” He tried to make his smile reassuring and professional.

“Right. How is this usually done?” She bit her lip. 

“I will ask you a series of questions and then ask you to tell me exactly what you experienced. It is crucial that you answer honestly and that you answer every question even if they appear strange.” He paused and waited for her to nod in agreement before he continued. “Have you completed your Harrowing?”

“You know I have, Commander.” She hesitated when she noticed his expression. “Yes, I have.”

“Did you at any point before your Harrowing accept any offer, favour, or promise from a demon or spirit?”

“No.”

“Have you done so following your Harrowing?”

“No.”

“Answer honestly, Trevelyan.” He swallowed far too loudly to sound authoritative. “Among your companions is a spirit who you first met in the fade.”

“Yes, I have. Once, from the spirit known to us as Cole.” She looked at the floor, shifting uncomfortably.

“Has your training included information on the various kinds of spirits and demons known to Thedas?”

“Yes, and I have fought all common demons in and outside of the fade.”

“Has a spirit or demon ever successfully deceived you?”

“No.” Evelyn shook her head firmly, leaning forward in her seat.

“Have you ever prior to this day been investigated due to suspicion of possession?”   
“No.”

“Have you ever prior to this day suspected you might have been possessed?”

“No.”

“Has anyone prior to this day expressed concerns to you personally or to a templar charged with your protection?”

“I’m quite certain half the Orlesian court and most of the Chantry has been convinced at one point or another. We did proclaim me the Herald of Andraste after I walked out of the fade alive…” She smiled weakly. “Beyond that, no.”

“Well, those are rather unique circumstances.” He smiled back before he caught himself. “Tell me, what has lead you to believe you might be possessed?”

“I had a dream. I encountered a demon, at first it was just like any other time a demon has tempted me.” Her smile faded. “It… assumed the face of someone I know. When I resist, they usually go away or the dream changes entirely.”

“Do you encounter demons often?”

“More after the rifts began appearing, I suspect I’m a more appealing target surrounded by all this…. All this.” She leaned forward again, her eyes firmly focused on her feet. “This time, it didn’t. It simply changed face. It would not stop, no matter what I did, it pressed on.”

“Were you able to identify which kind of demon you were dealing with?” He was most decidedly not noticing that her nightgown shifted when she leaned forward and he certainly did not notice that he could see significantly more of her left breast than he ever had before. “Please look at me when you talk, I need to see your eyes.”

“A desire demon, there was little doubt.” She looked up and Cullen wondered if he didn’t prefer it when she looked at her feet after all. “It went through everyone I had so much as hugged, anyone I had ever considered taking as a lover, and when that failed it began to go through everyone around me.”

“It merely changed faces?” Cullen frowned. “That is hardly uncommon for demons.”

“Faces, bodies, voices.” She shook her head. “Methods. It tried to find my weakness. No matter what it tried, who it appeared as, I would not let it seduce me. I prayed and did everything I was meant to do. This time however, it touched me.”

“I… Do you have any physical marks?” Cullen prayed he wasn’t blushing.

“Not that I know of, but I haven't checked to be honest.” She bit her lip again. “It was in the shape of Sera that it began forcing itself onto me. When it realised I could fight back, it changed to people of a larger bulk. Maker preserve me, I did everything I could. I couldn’t stop it.”

Cullen felt a wave of nausea hit him and the walls began closing in. He tasted guilt in the back of his throat and cursed himself for not realising what had happened any sooner.

“It must have lasted for hours” She continued and he could not read her expression. “I can remember most of it, most of the people it pretended to be. It seemed to keep shifting until it got it right.”

“Got it right?”

“Until it found someone my body responded to.” She blushed. 

“Was its portrayal accurate?” He cleared his throat. “I mean… Was it a convincing double or a more generic… blueprint?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because if a demon is able to replicate someone’s exact appearance it means it is either using your memory of that person or it has encountered that person before.” 

If a demon had been able to investigate such a significant number of Skyhold’s inhabitants, the Inquisition faced a far more serious problem than a creative desire demon. That kind of demonic activity usually indicated a summoning.

“How would I know? I haven’t seen… It went through so many, dozens.” She looked at him and it seemed like a shiver went through her body. “Do you… do you by any chance have a scar just above your hipbone, on your right side? I’m guessing it would be from a sword or large dagger, but it could also be a spirit blade that caused it.”

“I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question until I have assessed if you’ve been possessed or not.” He thankfully remembered his training and he hoped his expression hid the fact that she had just described a scar very few people had ever seen. 

“Of… of course.” She looked away from him and it was only when he reminded her that she looked at him again. “It continued. Maker help me, I began to enjoy it. I have never been so ashamed in my entire life. It must have read my mind or… any deviant thought I’ve ever had, it seemed to know them all. I tried to resist, but it was as if my body betrayed me. When I… became excited, it changed shape again.”

Cullen knew all too well what demons could find in the deepest darkest corners of a person’s mind, he did everything he could not to think of shimmering purple cages and everything they had tempted him with. Still, it was very unusual for a demon in the fade to touch someone before they had consented. 

“To another person?” He was not even certain what to ask at this stage, this was not something he had encountered before.

“No, it took its true shape.” She closed her eyes for a moment, her nails digging into her palms. “I have never felt anything like it. I’d never realised male desire demons had different tails than the female ones. It has multiple ends, like a whip. It held me down, wrapping its tails around me. The remaining ones, they… were used.”

“Were used?” 

“In the act… On me. In me.” She turned a deep shade of crimson. “Everywhere. I couldn’t breathe because it was suffocating me. I must have looked like a pig being prepared for the roast.”

“I think I understand.” Cullen was trying very hard not to imagine exactly what that would have looked like and he had never been more ashamed to notice that certain items of clothing seemed to have shrunken in the last minute.

“I don’t know what you must think of me. The Herald of Andraste giving in to a desire demon, dreaming of such perversions.” She shook her head. “I never gave it my agreement or said anything to accept an offer. Yet, I cannot deny that I felt desire. Maker, even thinking of it now…”

“I am not here to judge you in any other aspect than those concerning possession.” He kept the reminder neutral, as professional as he could while he still remembered why she was talking to him about this in the first place. “Is there anything else that causes you to suspect possession?”  
“Yes.” She cleared her throat. “I… I tried to think logically. Demons can only interact with humans so long if they don’t agree to possession. So I tried to shorten the whole… thing. I used every trick I’d ever learned, everything I’d ever heard had worked. I tried tempting it.”

“You tempted a desire demon?” Cullen nearly fell out of his chair. “After it had… made contact.”

“There was nothing else I could do, I knew I could not resist forever. It was it or me.” She bit her lip again and he wondered why it had not started to bleed yet. “It seemed to work. It grew excited, assuming it functions similarly to human anatomy. It… penetrated me in what must have been a mockery of human intercourse. I didn’t make a sound, I didn’t nod, I didn’t think. But I did feel, that I cannot deny. It must have been quick, but it felt like hours. The demon… came inside me.”

Cullen had forgotten how to form words, he barely understood what she had just said.

“It came inside you?”

“Yes. And that’s what pushed me over the edge too” Her eyes filled with tears. “I could feel it… anchor. I felt everything move inside me, taking root. My belly swelled and I could feel it grow. That was when I woke up.”

“You felt what grow?”

“I think I’m carrying a demon Cullen. I don’t know if it is possible for such things to transfer from the fade to this world. I don’t know if I am literally carrying a demon inside me or if this was just an illusion to hide possession.” She finally burst into tears. “Do I… am I still me?”

“I’m honestly not sure.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I have never heard of anything like this happening and yet… It is concerning.”

“What am I meant to do? What can I do?”

“How do you feel? Physically, I mean. Anything different?”

“No, I don’t feel swollen if that’s what you mean.” She touched her belly and it was one of the most absurd things Cullen had seen in his entire life. “Nothing appears to be moving.”

“That does speak against there being anything physically inside you.” He hesitated. “There are other concerns however, show me your hands.”

She put her hands in his and he was surprised at the lack of calluses. He focused, trying to keep the storm of feelings and impressions at bay. Around her wrists were red marks.

“Two things speak against possession. These marks indicate that physical contact of some form did occur.” He blushed and he detested himself for it. “Moreover, you were able to reveal information you could not possibly have known about when. If either of those things had occurred on its own, they would have been indicators of possession. Together however, they are a curious combination.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“It is hard to explain. The demon could not have found that information in your mind to use against me in this conversation. Physical marks indicate that something was sent to attack you. I think the demon drew from the mind of the person who summoned it rather than your own.”  
“What information?”

“I do have a scar from a dagger, in the exact location you described. It is not possible for you to have known that before or after a possession, unless it was the demon who held that information. I have not encountered a desire demon since after I obtained that scar. Thus it must have obtained that information from someone who has seen that scar. My guess is that someone has been gathering information about you and the people around you. Then they summoned a demon to wield that information.”

“And if I’d just had the marks?”

“Then my guess would have been that a demon tried to break through the veil and almost succeeded. I think this one was physically present while you were asleep.”

“But how do you know?”

“Because if you were possessed by a desire demon, you would not have revealed knowledge about that scar without using that information against me.” Cullen was terribly aware he was fidgeting. “You made it clear that I was one of the many individuals whose shape the demon mimicked, if you had been possessed, the demon would have used that to try to snare me too.”

“I… Thank you.” She looked ten years younger and the tension in her arms seemed to disappear. “I was not aware the templar training was this detailed on demonology.”

“Thankfully in this case, I have had the misfortune of encountering my fare share of desire demons during my years of service. Had it been any other kind, I would have been less helpful.” He tried a smile, it seemed more like a lopsided grimace. “I would still recommend speaking with Solas in the morning, that man knows more about demons than anyone. You need to find out who sent this demon after you and how to eliminate them. It will most likely be someone in Skyhold, it is apparently very difficult to send demons across large distances. Set wards before you go back to sleep, perhaps even a barrier if possible. I am sorry I can’t do more to help.”

“Thank you, Commander. I hope this has not changed how you view me?”

“Of course not. I am honoured you came to see me with this and I will be happy to assist in any way I can when it comes to locating the source of the problem.”

 

She left his office minutes later, both of them relived. There was never a fool proof way to assure that a person was free from possession. He could hardly have told her that a desire demon would have sensed how his pulse had quickened at the description of how the demon had tempted her. That if the demon had managed to seduce her, it would likely have managed to snare him too. That the demon would have forced her to touch him physically at the first sign of a physical reaction from his side. 

The more concerning matter at the moment was to figure out who had sent the demon after her. The list of people who had seen him without his armour since he obtained that scar in Kirkwall was short. None of the options were appealing. It was with a heavy heart that Cullen climbed back up the ladder, removed his clothing, and climbed back into bed. Before he even closed his eyes, he knew he would dream of purple cages, the scent of decaying flesh, and forbidden desires.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decided to write some more for this one, not sure how long it will be.
> 
> Added some Solas and Cole, have never written them before.

Shame tasted remarkably like yesterday's wine. Evelyn had only gotten another hour of restless sleep after she’d returned to her chambers. She was used to fighting demons, darkspawn, and dragons, but not in her own bed. She waited until the faintest hint of pink had painted the horizon and then she dressed. It was not often she wore robes around Skyhold, after years of being required to do so during her time in the circle. This day however, she needed to feel magical defences around her. 

The Great Hall was almost empty and she was relieved to see that the guards paid no special attention to her, a good indicator that last night’s guards had not thought it too odd for the Inquisitor to pay a nightly visit to her commander’s office. The hall was warmer than her own quarters and she lingered by it longer than she would on a regular morning. Sponge baths in winter was an even worse idea in Skyhold than it had been in the circle and she felt her skin return to a temperature more reminiscent of a living creature than a corpse. 

There had not been any further visits that night and if it had not been for the marks she bore, she would not have been certain that anything unusual had happened at all. Perhaps she had overreacted to it all, rushing off in the middle of the night in such a way was hardly the kind of behaviour that spoke of a confident leader. She was glad she did not have to face Cullen so soon after he had heard her story. If nothing else because it was terribly awkward to speak to someone you had a professional relationship with when you had seen them naked, even if only in a dream. Still, he had provided valuable advice and she was grateful that he had taken the time to evaluate the situation properly. He was the one person in Skyhold she trusted to not gloss things over when it came to possession, with the possible exception of Cassandra and Vivienne. She had feared he would respond automatically, especially since she had read some of the documents that had survived the fall of the Kirkwall circle. For the first time since she had been roped into the Inquisition, Evelyn felt she had found someone who had been completely honest with her.

She sat in the Great Hall until Skyhold slowly began to come alive after its slumber and when she heard the first hints of Orlesian accents approaching, she moved to find Solas. He was terribly predictable, returning to his domain as soon as the day began. Despite having known the elf for months, he had never revealed why he refused to share accommodations with anyone else in Skyhold. In fact, she had no idea where he spent his nights. It was only a few minutes before the elf appeared.

“Ah, good morning, Inquisitor.” He nodded as he closed the door behind him. “Commander Cullen did mention you wished to speak with me.”

“Oh… I did not know he’d talked to you.” She blushed, suddenly uncertain how to continue. “I suppose you haven’t encountered any leashed demons running around Skyhold?”

“That’s a novel way of putting it, but no.” He frowned and she felt like he looked straight through her. “Perhaps this is a matter best discussed in private?”

“Yes.” She exhaled and bit back a nervous laughter. “My chambers? I have a feeling this will take a while, have you had breakfast?” 

“I came as soon as I could so, no.” He seemed appreciative of the invite. “Perhaps we should invite the Commander as well, he does seem to have surprising insight into the matter.”

“If you feel it would be helpful.” She could hardly say that if she was forced to choose between the commander and a desire demon when it came to inviting someone into her chambers, she would hesitate. “If you speak to Cullen, I’ll request breakfast.”

 

It was quite possibly the oddest combination of people she ever imagined sitting together in her chambers, the only thing missing was Corypheus himself. She had coffee and she thanked the Maker for it, it was the single greatest comfort she had encountered since she had gone to sleep the night before.

“Can you think of anyone who would hold a grudge against you?” Cullen asked.

“Beyond every major power in Thedas? Not really.” She wrapped herself in a scarf, not truly caring that she wore more layers than would be considered appropriate for the temperature. “I honestly do not have a suspect in this case, but I assume they are a mage or a group that includes mages.”

“Could it be Corypheus or one of his minions?” Cullen scratched the back of his neck, a gesture she had begun to associate with her Commander as closely as the distinct look of his armour. “It does seem a bit petty for him though.”

“He strived to summon an army of demons, to summon one would be a failure.” Solas grimaced at his tea and Evelyn wondered why he kept drinking something he could not stand the taste of. “Someone must have bound a spirit, forcing it to seek you out. Those rituals require preparation and resources.”

“Surely we would have noticed if someone kept a pet demon around.” Evelyn took comfort in another mouthful of coffee. “Can we even be certain this person is in Skyhold? Or that they are a mage?”  
“You are certain the demon’s depictions of each person was accurate? If so, it must either be based somewhat physically close to us to be able to reach Skyhold’s population in the fade.” Solas seemed uncertain which of them he should direct the question to.

“As far as I can tell, it was.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I can hardly ask the Inquisition’s members to line up and disrobe for the purposes of comparison.”

“What if it’s a healer? Someone who would have great knowledge of the appearance of the individuals the demon mimicked.” Cullen seemed eager to steer the conversation in a different direction. “Either that or they have gotten into the minds of a very concerning number of our followers, including members of the inner circle.”

“Not a terrible hypothesis.” Evelyn suspected this was the closest Solas got to giving compliments for ideas that were not his own. “Still, for none of our mages to have noticed such an invasion of their minds would be extraordinary. Commander, do you think your templars would have detecter possession in one of our healers if this was the case?”

“Until the moment a demon made a physical appearance in Skyhold and none of us noticed until it was gone, I would have said yes with great certainty.” He sighed. “There is of course, another possibility. Perhaps Cole is not as unique as we suspected, with the number of rifts around there is the chance that another spirit claimed a physical body.”

“Cole is a spirit, Commander. If another spirit was to take the same path as Cole, it is unlikely that they would become corrupted.”

Evelyn struggled to focus, the lack of sleep catching up with her even as she reached to refill her coffee mug. None of the options were appealing and she began to doubt this would be resolved before the day was over, meaning she would have to go to sleep with this threat unresolved. She was mildly surprised that the former templar and the apostate had managed to have a productive debate that had not turned into discussions about how to control Skyhold’s mages. It was a small comfort, but she strongly suspected she would begin to cry if this turned into another political debate. 

“Speaking of healers, would there be any point in me seeing one?” She asked quietly, not sure if they could see her hands shake or not. “If the demon was there physically… I’m worried I might start nesting.”

Solas looked amused, Cullen looked horrified. She was not certain which was the least comforting.

“Spirits do not reproduce through physical means.” Solas smirked and for a brief moment she imagined the sensation of her fist connecting with his jaw. “Nor do they need nests. There is nothing to fear, it is curious though.”

“Perhaps it was an illusion aimed to frighten you.” 

“Or to lure you back.”

“Lure me back?” Coffee helped with controlling her expression, if nothing else, the mug hid her mouth fairly well.

“Desire demons have an addictive quality, you mentioned it attempted a series of appearances and actions to discover what weaknesses. It is quite possible that it is creating a map of your mind, your strengths and weaknesses.”

“I’m pretty certain being injected with eggs is not something I wish to repeat.” She frowned, once again wondering how she was going to endure the upcoming night. “It seemed to be its goal rather than… mine.”

“We still need to find a way to ensure this doesn’t happen again.” Cullen looked decidedly uncomfortable. “We don’t know how long it will take to reach whoever summoned this thing, the Inquisitor cannot be exposed to nightly demonic harassment until we do.”

“Why?”

They both turned towards the elf and Evelyn could only blink in surprise.

“The best way to learn more about this thing would be to observe it and learn how it behaves. With that knowledge, we might be able to extract more information about what we’re dealing with. As interesting as the Inquisitor’s account is, she cannot be in the physical world and the fade at the same time. An observer would be able to see what the demon actually does while it traps her.”

“You intend to use me as bait?” She felt this was quite possibly the worst idea anyone had ever presented to her. 

“You intend to trap it physically?” Cullen seemed to try and fail to make sense of the suggestion.

“No, but one or two nights of observation should reveal all we need to be able to track the demon to its master and know what kind of magic binds it.”

“You are seriously considering this?” Evelyn was grateful she was already sitting down. “What if I become possessed?”

“If the demon already has a master and did not possess you the first time, it is unlikely that it actually seeks to possess you.” Solas frowned. “If we instead seek to interrupt it, it will go straight back to its master and reveal that we are chasing it down. Then whoever is commanding it will start running, fast.”

“Then what is its goal? Surely it must involve doing what it did yesterday?” Cullen looked like he was developing a particularly nasty headache. “I am not fond of the idea of letting whoever is doing this get any closer to their goal and risking the Inquisitor’s safety in the process. Not to mention the fact that we are allowing a demon to run around Skyhold freely.”

“Are allowing? You would agree to this idea?” She glared at him, wrapping her hands around her mug tightly. “Do I have any say in this?”

“Of course you do.” Cullen sighed. “However, if this demon works in our world and the fade at the same time, it would be risky to capture or kill it. If we disrupt one of its… apparitions, but not the other, it might get stuck. We either prevent it from reaching you, or we give it one more night under our observation. If we trap it here and it responds by killing you in the fade, the consequences would be dire.”

“That… I had not considered.” Evelyn knew it was almost impossible to know what happened in the fade if you yourself had not entered it, an observer would not know when the demon had entered her dreams. “Would it not expect me to fend it off tonight though? It is hardly customary for a mage to do nothing after encountering a demon like this.”

“I’m wondering when demons became inspired by Orlais.” The Commander groaned and seemed to examine its coffee. “They were difficult enough to deal with before they started playing the Game with us.”

“The spirits predate the Empire, they invented the Game long before Orlais existed.” 

“You don’t say.” The Commander managed to resist rolling his eyes and she bit back a smile. “Then how do you suggest we observe this demon, Solas?”

“It’s rather simple, two observers are needed. One for the fade, another for Skyhold. Both remain hidden from sight and observe the event.” The elf shrugged and took another sip of his tea before grimacing.

“Are you suggesting someone should hide in the Inquisitor’s wardrobe and peek through the keyhole?” Cullen’s headache seemed to be transforming into a migraine.

“Why not? It doesn’t have to be her wardrobe, but observing mages should hardly be a new concept to a former Templar, Commander.”

“I…” She blushed, painfully aware that she had never felt less like the Inquisitor than she had since she’d woken this morning. “I am not certain I would be willing to be observed during that… ordeal.”

“Would you rather we never solve this issue? Perhaps nightly visits by a chained spirit aren’t so terrible after all?”

“Maker preserve me.” Those were the kindest words she could think of. “I know not what you think of me, Solas, but I would never endanger the Inquisition.”

“Then you consent?”

“Inquisitor, this should only go ahead if you’re certain.” The Commander looked at her, his expression a mask of neutrality even though she could see a vein pulsing in his throat.  
“Unless we think of something else during the day…” She was nothing close to certain and she could feel the nausea hit her. “I don’t think I really have a choice.”

“If you agree, then it is not my place to step in to prevent you.” Cullen looked away for a brief second before he once again looked her straight in the eyes. “You should at least have the freedom to decide who should know about this.”

“If we can keep this as quiet as possible, I would appreciate it. The walls have ears in this place.” Evelyn was fairly confident there was not a single person in this world she truly wanted to know about this matter. 

“In case something should not go according to plan, there needs to be at least one person not involved during the night who knows what has transpired.” Solas stood and moved towards the window, leaning against the wall as he studied the view. “I suggest at least one mage or someone experienced with magic. Perhaps the Lady Seeker?”

“If Cassandra is told, Leliana will have spies watching me within half an hour. Leliana reads Cassandra like an open book. Not to mention that there is no way Cassandra will approve of this.” She shook her head and when she saw the disappointed look in the Commander’s eyes, Evelyn took a deep breath.

“Perhaps take some time to consider your options, it is not something you need to decide this very moment. It is, after all, rather personal.” Cullen cleared his throat. “Solas, it might be best if we give the Inquisitor some time to think?”

“Very well, you know where to find me.” The elf nodded and left before either of them had the chance to reply.

She put the coffee mug on the small table that stood between them and buried her face in her hands. A long string of curses left her lips, mixed with a halfhearted prayer. She rubbed her eyes, trying to clear them from any traces of fatigue.

“I am truly sorry, Evelyn.” 

“None of this is your fault.” She looked up, surprised to hear him use her given name. “Out of all the people in Skyhold, you are the last person I expect to have a pet demon.”

“I meant about Solas, I did not expect his reaction to be so academic.” He looked distinctly out of place seated on the small padded bench they had provided her with for visitors. “How are you holding up?”

“I have lost count of how many times the world has been turned upside down in the last six months.” She chuckled humourlessly. “Honestly, I am frightened. It was challenging enough to deal with the threat of Corypheus, the politics, and the public… It has been a long time since my own dreams were a concern.”

“We should be able to minimise your workload over the next few days if needed. Thankfully it does not look like today will be a particularly busy day, most of the appointments on your schedule can be delegated.” 

“He won’t accept it if I pick another mage, will he?” 

“It does not seem like he has even considered that as an option.” Cullen’s smile was weak. “I cannot shake the feeling he considers us all to be subjects to be studied to increase his understanding of the Fade.”

“Who would you have picked if you were me?”  
“As risky as it is, if Cassandra could be convinced to partake, she would probably be the best observer. The seekers are trained to evaluate risks even if she has a tendency to act rashly, they are also immune to possession. Though there is also the privacy aspect, and if you prefer someone who does not know you as well as your inner circle does… Perhaps Krem, the Chargers encounter odd problems with odd solutions on a daily basis and he does know how to keep secrets. In terms of our mages, I am less certain.” He scratched his head and she heard his armour squeak in protest. “Solas is the most knowledgeable about the Fade but might not be very supportive. Vivienne is not a person I would trust with personal information that can be used politically, she would also likely leave the Inquisition if she knew you planned on interacting with demons like this.”

“What about Dorian?”

“Not a bad choice. He understands the dangers of blood magic and demons better than most in Skyhold. He is a terrible gossip but never shares anything of substance.”

“Vivienne is a dear friend, but you are right in this case. She remains a player of the Game and I cannot risk it.” She felt herself relax as the tension left the room. “If Solas cannot be convinced to be left behind, then perhaps Dorian should be the one to be informed about our plans.”

“That does sound like a reasonable option.”

“I don’t know which is worse, choosing someone for the Fade or someone to stand in my room. How do I even know which skills are needed?” She was less frightened and more fatigued now that the course of action seemed to have been set. “If I’m looking for someone used to observing weird things without experiencing fear or judgement, then Dagna might be an option.”  
“She…” Cullen seemed to hesitate. “She would ask for a sample.”

For one moment, tension hung between them like a barrier ready to burst. She heard a sound terribly out of place and suddenly realised it was her own laughter. The thought of an excited Dagna interrupting the demon’s activities to politely ask it if she could have a sample was for some reason the funniest thing she had thought of in weeks. It must have been the fatigue and the tension, but the more she thought about it, the more hilarious it seemed. Cullen appeared to think she had completely lost her mind before she noticed the right side of his mouth twitching into a smirk. The professional mask seemed to be slipping despite his best efforts to suppress his laughter.

“There was a time when my greatest concern was what would be served for lunch or if I’d be able to finish my research before someone else needed the book I was using.” She regained some amount of self control. “Yet here I am, the leader of an Inquisition powerful enough to rival nations, trying to decide which of my followers is going to watch me being injected by a demon.”

“There are times when it truly seems like the Maker watches us purely for absurd entertainment.” Cullen sounded equal parts amused, concerned, and sympathetic and she could not help but feel grateful that he was the one by her side. “Once, my greatest battles were those against my sister on the chess board. Let me tell you, if Corypheus had chosen her for his strategist, we would have been defeated long ago.”

“Her skills must be treasured as one of the Inquisition’s greatest secrets.” Evelyn felt some of the cold leave her hands when he smiled at her. “She seems to have trained you well.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Dawn was almost over, the last hints of pink quickly disappearing from the sky. Evelyn tried very hard not to look at the sun, even harder not to think of how every fraction it moved seemingly signalled the oncoming evening. She knew the only solution was to bury herself in paperwork, or perhaps gardening, anything that kept her hands and mind busy. There was always something that needed to be counted, restocked, or sold. If nothing else worked, she could always attempt to join the repair crew and watch them judge her as she got in their way. Still, nightfall would come no matter what she did.

“There is something I need to know.” She said finally.

“Yes?”

“When dusk comes, if I ask, will you watch over me?”

“If you ask.”

 

Evelyn had groomed every horse in their stables, much to their horsemaster’s surprise. There was something soothing about the rhythm that enabled her to forget about the oncoming evening, if only for a while. Her hands were covered in dust and dirt, along with most of her robes. Naturally both the horsemaster and Blackwall had mocked her decision to wear robes to the stable. She had not minded, it had felt fantastic to be teased about ordinary things. For a moment, she had considered asking Blackwall to be her observer. However, when the man had turned to look at her in that way that reminded her of a very adoring and very hairy puppy, she had thought better of it. The man needed her to be the Inquisitor and she did not doubt that symbol would be tainted if he saw her under a demon. She sat down on the stairs overlooking the stable, trying to remove some of the dirt and grime with a rag.  
“He thought you were hurting.” 

She jumped to her feet, a barrier appearing around her without delay. The boy looked up at her from where he’d appeared next to her on the steps. Evelyn calmed her magic and sat down quietly, hoping no one had noticed her reaction.

“He doesn’t like it when you’re hurting. Your smile gives him hope.” Cole continued to observe her calmly, not the least affected by her reaction. “He worries he can’t look through his own pain, that the lyrium’s song will be too loud. It won’t be.”

“You’re talking about Cullen?” 

“He doesn’t want to hurt mages anymore, he wants to protect them. Protect you.” Cole seemed pensive for a moment, carefully holding his hand out to let a fly land on it. “He wants to be a shield. I don’t understand why, he wouldn’t be a good commander if he was a shield.”

“You think I should choose him for this?”

“You both want you to choose him.” Cole smiled as the fly flew towards the stables. “You are scared of what he might see. You left things unsaid when you told him. It would not hurt him if he knew it was him.”

“It might change things.”   
“Things change.” Cole shrugged. “You want to help things, people. To do that, you change things.”

“How did you find out about this whole thing?”  
“This is a new kind of hurt. Your pain was loud.” 

“Of course.” She mumbled.

“Not all new hurt is loud.” He paused. “He wants you to trust him. He worries you don’t. Worries that you see what he used to be. What he thought he was. That you are afraid of him. Of the Solution.”

“Maker’s breath, how long?”

“The song makes it worse. He struggles to silence it.” Cole seemed to be talking to one of the rocks in the wall. “He doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know what you saw.”

“So, I should let him see my humiliation to show that I trust him?”

“Yes. You should show you that you trust him too.”

He was gone before she could reply. Evelyn could never quite shake the feeling that her conversations with Cole were halves. She soon gave up on getting her hands clean and returned the rag to the stables. On her way back to her quarters and the hot water that always seemed to be available there, she ran into one of the Inquisition’s messengers. 

“I want you to deliver a message for me.” She asked the young girl.

“That’s what I do.” The girl smiled.

“Tell Commander Cullen ‘I ask’.”


End file.
